Recently Jacob Da Jew had a post putting the two biggest rivals in falafel head to head in a contest. Olympic Pita beat out Famous Pita in a close competition of pita bread and fried eggplant. Now I understand Subsational and Burgers Bar are not the same exact restaurants, but their popularity, value and close proximity make them good restaurants to debate their goodness.
I like cheap food, it fills me up, tastes good and when its time to pay I don’t mutter any holy craps under my breath. It is understandable that cheap food doesn’t bring the frills of watching awkward shidduch dates and watching sheitle hookers have a ladies night out- but on the other hand the low class clientele that patronizes cheap food establishments, the tight pants hoes and the yeshiva hockers make the experience a memorable one. And when its all said and done- it feels pretty good to be fully satiated on a quarter of the price.
Subsational (SS) is known for its dirty nastiness which they say translates into great food somehow- maybe its all those chicken breasts that fall onto the floor and picked up again bearing all the spices and other stuff that was on the floor, or maybe it’s the 20 people crowded into the cooking area that resembles a toll booth, whatever it may be- the food does rock at this establishment known for its Syrian nymph girls that have jeans tight enough to stop your arteries.
The narrow walkway to get in is a pain and during the Thursday evening rush resembles opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange. Not only can one not move anywhere, they are usually hit in the face by hockers thrusting their little receipts in the air while screaming to their wives on their blackberries. Instead of sitting down and waiting nicely for the fat lady who hands your items through the teller window that is smeared with years of grease and heavy breathing- these impatient dudes wave their number slips in the air while block the exit and entry. If the frequent fires that constantly erupt on the grill were ever to get out of control- we could have a another Great White fiasco minus the 80s metal aspect and trading the Harley guys for Syrian guys with slicked back hair who are trying to hard to be Italian.
The food as SS is good even great by my standards, but it is not a pleasant eating experience. The dirt and crusty feel, combined with the poor lighting and wobbly tables make for the exact type of place you do not want to take a first date. If watching hoes, hockers and dirty Chassidim is your thing- then this may be the place for you. The bread and the sandwiches are also top notch- although my friends who patronize the Prime Grill and Wolf and Lamb tend to disagree, the stomach cramps and gastrointestinal nightmares are the norm of this sort of food and in no way are a direct result of the soap-less bathrooms.
Burgers Bar (BB) is also known for similar reasons- except that its clean- or at least clean looking. I was in Israel when BB was becoming well known and used to eat by them all the time. Their fries are “real” made with cut up potatoes instead of those frozen ones and the burgers although being frozen patties always come out good- except when they are raw. I think the customizability is what people like best. Not only do folks from Brooklyn think it’s the capitol of the world, but they also act like pricks in restaurants- frequently yelling at the person behind the counter when things aren’t how they want. In BB they have taken the concept of customer service beyond the norm- note that this is when it is not resembling a free sushi Kiddush- you get your choice of sauce, they load on the fried onions and all the veggies and extras are had at no extra charge. Some restaurants charge an arm and a leg for extras like pickles, fried onions and sauce. BB has all you can eat of the extras free, I constantly go up asking for more sauce, pickles and fried onions.
The lighting and general seating arrangement makes a great leap forward in BB compared to SS. It is brightly lit, the tables are solid and cleaned off quickly and the general atmosphere resembles pleasantness rather then the livestock auction of Subsational. The clientele is general one notch above that of SS, you do have some of the overflow switching off. For instance the service is much quicker in SS, so when it is a zoo in BB I jump over to SS. I do feel more satisfied after BB and I think it has something to do with the general eating experience more then the food.
You see at BB you don’t feel rushed and cramped like in SS, and the clientele is usually a little less rowdy allowing you to sit back and enjoy yourself. There is also outdoor seating and the food generally presents itself more nicely. Like instead of a wax paper wrapped greasy sandwich resembling dog doo, you get a nice full burger with overflowing amounts of “fresh looking” veggies and all the different sauces you can gorge yourself on. They do say that presentation counts and this is where BB excels in my opinion. It happens to be that if you’re like me, presentation is secondary. Good food, is well, good food and generally the people who patronize these restaurants regularly tend to not care about presentation. These two restaurants are like the white trash eateries of non-heimishe Brooklyn. Heimishe in general is really a code word for ghetto, cheap and white trash as I have stated before in my charedim are like rednecks post.
It is a tough one because both restaurants have so much to offer. I would venture to say based on food and people watching alone that Subsational beats out Burgers Bar. The people are wackier to watch and the food choice outflanks Burgers Bars’ small menu. On the other hand once you factor in general eating experience and service Burgers Bar would definitely make me feel more confident that I didn’t get food poisoning and that I had a better eating experience.
What do you think???
32 responses so far ↓
1 // May 13, 2007 at 8:35 pm
I find myself intrigued by the bizarre fact that every single one of your food related posts has multiple scatalogical references. Actually, “nauseated” might be a better word for it.
2 // May 13, 2007 at 9:12 pm
Shmendrik, don’t be a dick. Move on if you don’t like the bloggy.
3 // May 13, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Hey man everyone knows that Burgers Bar and Subsational are synonymous with having to take nasty dumps after the fact.
It happens to be that most food that Jews eat cause gastronomical nightmares- tis the truth.
But maybe you just think I am some coprapheliac.
4 // May 13, 2007 at 10:41 pm
i ddint realize your blog got so big that you needed a bodyguard
5 // May 13, 2007 at 10:46 pm
jacob, i can’t. it’s like a car accident.
FBWI, it’s not just the description of the effects, it’s the comparison of the food itself to excrement which i find fascinating, and as you mentioned, suggestive of a tendency to coprophelia, or possibly coprophagia.
6 // May 14, 2007 at 3:04 am
Hesh,
Does SS or BB have restaurant on Coney Island Avenue? Or one Ocean Avenue? I think I might have gone to one of the restaurants described here.
7 // May 14, 2007 at 7:44 am
Mookie is jealous that she ain’t got one too
Rebel, they both are on Coney Island on the same block but BB is really new so you probably went to SS.
anyway, I’m gonna ease off now.
8 // May 14, 2007 at 7:46 am
BB has caters to a very cool young israeli/ syrian hip crowd, while SS caters to whomever wants a good cheap meal. Also, BB’s burgers are big and juicy and allow all the extra condiments on their because you are payin a premium price for it. Although i do enjoy the ambience there more. Another i think a closer competitor to BB, i believe is the new ’shnitzie bar’ on coney and J. nice place at an economic price.
9 // May 14, 2007 at 9:28 am
So shmendrik would you say that Kevin Smith ios a copraphelia because he enjoys making jokes about shit?
Would you say that the creators of every teen movie are nymphomaniacs. I enjoy shit jokes they are funny. I enjoy Jewish and Black Jokes would that make me an Anti-Semite and Racist???
10 // May 14, 2007 at 2:12 pm
I don’t think that someone who “enjoys” jokes about Jews is anti-semetic. However, if every mention they made of Jews included a derogatory joke, I would indeed suspect them of harboring a certain hostility. Similarly, the fact that you seem unable to mention food without making scatalogical references, specifically comparisons between the food and excrement, leads me to believe that you may have some unresolved issues.
11 // May 14, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Shmendrik, the word you are looking for is anti-semitic and not anti-semetic….
12 // May 14, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Well well a bunch of comments that do not have anything to do with the post lovely.
13 // May 14, 2007 at 10:11 pm
Why no mention of KD? Kosher Delight not only deserves mention here, but deserves it’s own post. Burgers Bar is a disgusting resteraunt with sub par hamburgers. Who ever said Israeli’s know anything about burgers and fries? They should stick to shwarma and falafel.
14 // May 15, 2007 at 7:05 am
well, if we’re mentionning other places, and we’re off topic, i’m going to have to voice my annoyance with olympic pita and all their “rules”, rules about where you sit, what you can order, where you can eat it, how they’ll prepare it.. every time we go there we end up arguing with them about one of their rules!
15 // May 15, 2007 at 10:20 am
Readers of Frum Satire,
What are your signature orders from ss,bb, kd or anywhere else?
SS is all about the steak santiago, bb is a no brainer and kd burgers are the closest to treif fast food as you can get.
I think they should start serving fried chicken skins, AKA greiven.
16 // May 15, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Dude I am all about the honey bbq steak at Subsational- at BB I always get a double burger and regret it afterwards. I have heard the lamb burgers are quite good. I also need a solid helping of the Garlic Mayo sauce and some fried onions on my burger.
17 // May 21, 2007 at 9:02 pm
bb has the best fries…nuf said.
18 // May 22, 2007 at 6:54 am
Ari, that’s true. Kosher Delight does taste like stuff from Burger King or Kentucky Fried Chicken.
——>used to eat treif food myself so I know.
19 // May 22, 2007 at 12:23 pm
I think that many BT’s would siagree with that statement since KD tastes like crap with breading on it. Many of my friends swear by KFC or Burger King- which taste like crap as well- but at least it costs much less. At KD you pay the same price as subsational or Burgers Bar and get nothing for it.
And yes BB has the best fries if thats your sort of thing. The best fries are at McDonalds which every kosher restuarant in Toronto tries to imitate for some reason. Toronto has the best kosher fries all around. Especially Tov Li and Markeys- NY kosher fries are usually soggy and under cooked.
20 // May 24, 2007 at 2:02 pm
We have a Burgers Bar just down the road- my husband and I went there once. Once.
We didn’t like the fries- the ones here are basically sliced fried potatoes. Not like real fries at all (or “chips” as we call them here).
21 Anonymous // Nov 13, 2007 at 3:42 am
Have you tried the SS off Ave. J? Doesn’t have such a crazy scene, and I’ve never had indigestion from it… It’s mainly for drive thru/takeout, though, not much eat-in space. It’s the best, cheapest food you can get in that neighborhood.
22 Hesh // Nov 13, 2007 at 11:48 am
You know my brother always tells me about it, parking is always an issue on avenue J and I have never even seen the subsational on it, Where is it?
Though it happens to be the scene is always enjoyable, this past Saturday night there was a fight and the cops were called in, I wonder if it was ashkenaz vs. sphardic.
23 Maidel // Nov 26, 2007 at 11:31 pm
I find that I am usually the only white girl in Burgers Bar and that in order to really fit in you have to be Sy and wearing pants that must be painted on.
24 shelly // Jan 17, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Nobody mentioned Schnitzi. I think it’s more expensive than Burger’s Bar, but the food there is good, too.
Schnitzel King is a similar crowd to SS, but the food is fresh and delish.
25 shelly // Jan 17, 2008 at 4:28 pm
In response to Hesh– SS is on East 15th, between Aves. I & J.
For the record, Schnitzi is Coney Island Avenue between I & J, and Schnitzel King (really worth a try…minus the hockers) is on Coney Island Ave between M & N- I think.
KD is renovating…watch for even HIGHER prices once they put in their new menu…maybe they’ll have like those new gas stations, where they can just digitally change the price as it increases.
26 Anonymous // Jan 20, 2008 at 10:40 pm
BB is delicious
27 Anonymous // Mar 10, 2008 at 11:31 am
haha you guys/gals r funny .. this is a fun blog
and naturly argueing like good jewish people
28 beth // Apr 14, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Chimmichurri.
29 frumsportygal // Jul 3, 2008 at 4:02 am
I like the food at Burger’s Bar. I like that I can watch almost the entire cooking and preparation process of the food, which is better than most fancy restaurants. And the Israeli pickles…I love Israeli pickles. Every other burger place only has American dill pickles which I can barely tolerate. As we like to say in my house, “Booo-rrrgers Barrr” (you have to roll your Rs, you see…)
30 heshman // Jul 3, 2008 at 8:53 am
You know what also rocks about burgers bar is that when they aren’t crowded you can just go back up and get more pickles and fried onion and garlic mayo.
31 jewboy1975 // Aug 13, 2008 at 9:56 am
there is no comparison subsational is hands down the best there new store on 13th ave is out of this world and they just redid the on coney which lloks alot cleaner and nicer subsational gives much more selection then all these other place hands down they rock
32 Frum Satire // Aug 13, 2008 at 8:01 pm
I agree man- honey BBQ steak with a small order of fries every time.
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