I am sure many of my male and some of female readers have had the opportunity to bench for the mizuman at other peoples houses. I have noticed a few things in my benching days. First of all, you can tell a lot about a person based on what sort of benching starter they choose and second, you can tell a lot about a person based on what they include when saying “berishus….”
So casually enjoying some of the finest brown foods at some frummies house and someone in your party gets picked for benching. You can see the panic on their face as they quickly try and decide during shuir hamalos if they have the ability to do the Mir Velen which is probably the norm at this table. Or will they have the balls to kick it traditional style with their more regular Rabosy Nivurech. The person glances aroud the room for help, they are gasping for air, thinking the judgments that will fly. “If I could only say the Mir Velen- they wont be able to judge me on my suede yarmulke?” Or maybe they are thinking that by saying Rabosy Nivurech they will mess up their shidduch ability. So usually the person sucks it up busts out the Mir Velen, but all of the sudden you notice a major flaw. Instead of the smooth flowing Berishus- you suddenly hear slight hesitation as the bencher tries to be cool and include all the people around the table. Kohanim, Leveim, Baal Habyis and Baalas Habyis. Oh the royal mistake has been made. All of the sudden this impressive Mir Velenite has been cast down to YCT and JTS status- by including the women in the benching. I have seen it many times- and it is assuredly a great way to pick out a real frummy from just another “went to Israel for a couple years and frummed out” faker.
The Mir Velen crowd can be tricky because it is so large and diverse. Most folks merely judge you and throw you in with the charedim when rockin’ the Mir Velen, but this is false and very hurtful for some. Any benching expert will tell you that starting with Mir Velen is not limited to charedim. In fact anyone who appreciates a good herring, can pound shots of slivovitz, argues about the merits of kichel versus tam-tams, speaks Yiddish in back of the shull with old horny men, calls women “broads”, and can remember when milk was delivered every day- is usually a sayer of Mir Velen. They need not be orthodox in any way shape or form- it is simply the way to bench.
It happens to be if you are under the age of 50- you have no right to say Mir Velen- unless you wear a black hat, streimel, spudick, long peyos or happen to have parents who are old herring connoisseurs. Basically the Mir Velen is a part of frummy culture and in recent years with the mixing of the two groups- guests at the table have been trying to sneak in their own Mir Velens. It doesn’t work and most Mir Velen veterans like myself can spot a poser a mile a way.
Just like the guest at a Mir Velen house feels its his duty to try the Mir Velen route for fear of embarrassment- the Mir Velen person sometimes though not as common feels the same way when entering the homes of Rabosy Nivurech people. I myself wonder if the people I am benching with have ever heard the Mir Velen-maybe they have never eaten outside of the upper west side or have lived in trenched in some modern orthodox community their whole life and would think I was saying some piyut rather then benching? All these thoughts run through my head as try and decide my mode of attack.
You also have the left wing yeshiva crowd commonly referred to as Yeshivish Modern or possibly Modern Orthodox Machmir depending on your stereotype that is kind of on the verge of developing a taste for Mir Velen, but instead they say Rabosy Nivurech with the yeshivish accent. They make it sound almost as frum as the Mir Velen people- but not quite and this puts them in more of a left wing crowd.
Of course there is a whole different set of people that I have never actually benched with though I know they exist and this is the Chavroty Nivurech crowd. I am sure many of my readers have had experience with the perpetrators of this group – though I doubt anyone ever heard them bench. This is because the type of folks who would be the sayers of this type of benching never really bench.
It’s basically a feminist, wacky liberal, reform, egalitarian, renewal Judaism, and whatever sort of on fringe kabbalah practicing organic fruitcakes you can find that don’t think women should be excluded by saying Rabosy. It happens to be that there I a whole bunch of gemaras about this topic of women having to make a mizumin without any men around. Whatever it is, the next time someone busts out a Chavroty Nivurech you can stereotype them immediately even before they get to all the Berishus parts. I saw this Chavroty in a siddur while spending some time at the Isabella Freedman center- which is a hippie-organic-self sustaining farm in Connecticut- where many of these neo-socialist views of Judaism are espoused.
35 responses so far ↓
1 // Apr 17, 2007 at 7:54 pm
I have in fact been present, more than once, when some starting benching with “chaverai.”
2 // Apr 17, 2007 at 8:21 pm
LOL hesh. Good one, like we spoke about.
But what about Sephardim?
We say “Hav Lan VeNivrich LeMalka Ila’a Kadisha”
3 // Apr 17, 2007 at 8:38 pm
Me thinks you got a skewed view of Mir velnen bentchen. I see it as more of a chassidish way of saying it. Not neccesarly that left wingers say nevaraych and right wingers say mir velnen bentchen. Its not like mir velnen bentchen is any more authentic like your making it out to be. But what your right about is that you can tell alot about a man by the way he does his mezumen.
4 // Apr 17, 2007 at 8:50 pm
I personally say Mir Velen- thats how my father says it. Its funny because when I had long hair people thought that I was trying to fit in. Even now I dont have the “look” or even the upbringing. I should be rocking the Nivurech- but I stick to minhagim. Though I am one to include the lady of the house depending on how feminist my hosts are.
5 // Apr 17, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Jacob: as you and many of my other readers have pointed out I tend to stay away from the sephardim just because I have no expertise and have not pent enough time around them.
About the closest I have come to them is going out with a couple of them in my wild college days. It was quite close- but we never had a mezumin- even though a mizumin is exactly what I wanted- hahah
6 // Apr 17, 2007 at 10:30 pm
Posts like this really portray your great writing gift!
I love doing Rabbosy, especially when they don’t see it coming.
Bonus points for seruggies!!
7 // Apr 18, 2007 at 12:03 am
It’s “mir VEvellen bentschen”.
8 // Apr 18, 2007 at 1:02 am
Love this post
9 // Apr 18, 2007 at 9:06 am
I think Rabosi nevariech is way more conservative and will keep you out of trouble. The other one is more dagerous and riskier. Im not a risk taker when it comes to bentchin.
10 // Apr 18, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Well, what about those douchebags that have a big dopey grin on their face and announce it with the ol’ “RUBBER TIRES NEVER BREAK”.
What category do they fall in?
Have you ever met any of them. In case you do, be sure to immediatly drag them outside, make them bite the curb, then proceed to stomp on the back of their head kind of like Edward Norton did to that nigga that was stealing his truck in American History X. Folks of that sort don’t deserve the privilige of living.
11 // Apr 18, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Ice horse, chill out dawg.
12 // Apr 18, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Rubber tires never break- I am laughing my ass off- thank you Ice Horse- although the racist comment was definitely uncalled for.
13 // Apr 18, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Hesh, you never saw American History X?
That scene was classic. I thought every jew saw that film.
14 // Apr 18, 2007 at 8:58 pm
Dude I totally saw the movie- but you don’t have to rock the racism- I try to keep the offensive comments to a minimum- unless its against crazy chmras and bans
15 // Apr 18, 2007 at 9:01 pm
Good stuff.
16 // Apr 18, 2007 at 9:16 pm
Thank you yid
17 // Apr 19, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Look, I said NIGGA……not NIGGER!!! Isn’t it ok to say nigga?
18 // Apr 19, 2007 at 12:53 pm
No big deal- I personally don’t like all this politically correct bs forced on us by all these offended liberals in the stuffy townhouses in San Francisco. I just like to keep people reading my stuff- so I am the one who offends them.
Dont worry about it Mr. Ice Horse- your comments are well worth it- ma-nigga
19 // Apr 19, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Rubbber Tires Never Break?
WTF?
20 // Apr 19, 2007 at 2:44 pm
Terrific exegesis of mezuman! May I also observe that once you’ve committed to rabosi nevurech, and you have safely navigated the rocky shoals of moranunn, rabonun, and rabosi, there is a choice of two tunes: Do you 1) singsong it like you’re about to go into aveilus, where your voice drops, dirge-like, when you say “nevurech” and mei-atah v’ad olam,” or 2) end those words on a happier, higher pitch? The former is yeshivish, the latter is not. Decisions, decisions.
21 // Apr 19, 2007 at 7:24 pm
In my yeshiva days, I brought another bochur to eat a shabbos meal at this family I had met and I thought they were like really nice. So, I thought my bochur friend would be grateful for the home cooking, but no, he’s mad at me for the long walk.
Then, it’s time to bench and this other guest at the house says:
“RABOTAI MIR VELLEN BENTCHEN”
that was it for this guy. The whole way home my friend is cracking up at what kind of moron says rabotai with a t, and then mir vellen. Somehow it was like this was my fault as well.
It was months before my friend stopped bringing that up to needle me. Thanks for bringing back the memory.
22 // Apr 19, 2007 at 8:32 pm
Nice, hesh. Solid quantity of comments.
where were you?
Email me
23 // Apr 21, 2007 at 7:17 pm
when they bentch I look in the book and pretend to mumble. What an absurd notion to actually go through that text every time you eat bread.
24 // Apr 21, 2007 at 8:10 pm
Great post.
Here is the deal though - and sorry if I offend, but saying “B’rishus Baalas HaBayis” is MORONIC (and I’m a woman). When you say B’rishus, you are asking permission to lead the benching from those who may take precedence over you such as the Baal Habayis or any Kohanim, Rabanim etc. Women are not able to lead the Mezumen in the presence of men and therefore you do not mention them at this point.
I think most people think that saying the hostess’ name in the benching is like thanking her for the meal. It is not and it makes no sense. My husband and I kick each other under the table whenever people do that.
25 // Apr 21, 2007 at 8:35 pm
Hey Ice Horse- I heard over shabbos here in Baltimore about a better then Rubber Tires Break.
Rub My Thighs with a Rake
26 // Apr 21, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Little Jersey Girl- Tis the truth- although I am sure many folks who consider themselves Femidox will take offense to that.
Are you using this as an excuse to play footsie with your husband- because footsie is a timeless classic that can be played anytime.
27 // Apr 21, 2007 at 9:09 pm
Rubber tires never break…
It’s a shame that a peach is not in the shape of a plum…
Bear-shooting is illegal in the state of Idaho…
And the rivers
Are overflowing
With hyenas!
28 // Apr 21, 2007 at 9:35 pm
I have no problem offending the Femidox.
And, yes - I love palying Footsie, though it takes some degree of talent to do it discreetly.
29 // Apr 24, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Heshy-
Another benching line that some jews omit comes after Shir HaMaalos- “Techilas HaShem yidaber pi…”
I always say it, even when my host’s bencher omits it.
30 // Apr 24, 2007 at 7:14 pm
Ah the classic benching of someone who is modern orthodox- it is not part of the tehilim and therefore most people don’t say it. Though I doubt its as fierce of a debate as hallel on yom haatzmaut is.
31 // Apr 24, 2007 at 10:21 pm
I’ve noticed that in some bentchers in Hazan Et Ha-Olam, between “B-riotav asher bara”, and “Baruch atah amonay, ha-zan et ha-kol.” there’s a line that goes: “Kaamur poteach et yadecha u-masbia l-chol chai ratzon.” (As it is said: You open your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.”)
Profound, but does anyone know how to fit it in to the sing-songy tune we all know?
32 // May 15, 2007 at 11:45 am
It fits in as smoothly as the reference to idol worshipers before the bent knees in Aleinu.
33 Shaul // Jun 2, 2008 at 10:22 am
BS”D
What about lubavs and many other chassidim “Hav Lan v’nirich-rabosei mir villen bentchin”
I love sefaradim though, “hav lan v’nivrich limalka ilaa kadisha (shamayim), yehi shem Amonay mivarech meatah v’ad olam, birshut shamayim ubirshut (chol, shabbat, yom tov ze, baal hasimcha, baal habayit) ubirshut hakahal hakodesh hazeh, maranan rabbanan v’ rabotai n’varech”
34 Shaul // Jul 23, 2008 at 10:53 am
BS”D
In Eretz Yisroel many Chareidim say Rabosai Nivoreich
35 Frum Satire // Jul 23, 2008 at 11:06 am
Wow Shaul thanks for rehashing this old but amazing post- and for all that Hebrew to English paraphrasing, I rarely write about sephardim because I don’t know enough.
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